Friday, January 20, 2006

Wow, long time ehh? I have been seriously busy lately. I will have to admit to posting in my AOL journal though it is private. Sue me.

There is so much going on here that I don't even know where the hell to start. My stepson finally had his evaluation with the early intervention group. My feelings were finally validated. He does have serious mental health issues couples with severe behavioral problems and possibly PDD (NOS) and ADHD. Ah to finally be heard. Maybe now my husband will begin to grasp why I have such a hard time parenting him. At this point, there is no doubt in my mind that I will need more counseling than him. After living with this child for almost 2 years I literally cringe at the sound of his voice. I am angry, hurtful, and downright done with this child. I do love him. I just cannot stand the mere sight of him now. Admitting that is hard but I need to be truthful if this is going to work. Parenting a child with any kind of disability is so much harder than it seems. Without the help from his birth mother who is a recovering meth addict and drank while pregnant with him, and the help, understanding and support from my husband or anyone else in his family I am worn out emotionally and have been pushed to the edge. Now a days I don't know if I am coming or going. I am glad someone finally saw what I see and validated me in the fact that I am not crazy, he does in fact have problems, and my husband and his family were wrong when they said he was a typical 3 year old. I am still dealing with shitty pants after 8 months of potty training. As if this wasn't enough for a family of 7 I got a call today that just about pushed me completely over the edge.

My step daughter will be 8 in May. That call confirmed what I have been telling my husband for awhile now. They believe she has a learning disability and needs some more counseling for the grief she has of losing her 3 week old brother 2 years ago. She was there when it happened and watched while the EMT's tried to save him. I guess he had a hole in his heart but they ruled it as SIDS. I had her in a group called Courageous Kids back at her other school and put her with the Hospice here for the same type of grief counseling. Unfortunately, that group has ended for the school year. The vice principal called to tell me it had ended but the counselor advised us to have her remain in a group and gave me numbers of the places where I canget her in. They feel she needs additional counseling in the grief area but on all other levels as well. So, now, we have to attend a meeting at the school about her learning disability and I will need to take her to other counseling appointments outside of the school. I am feeling very overwhelmed right now. I already deal with so much by myself because the hub works and doesn't believe in counseling. This has been such a hard first two years of marriage and I feel as though our world is falling apart at the seams. Man, I wrote a novel here. I write about this as much for the healing and venting as I do to document how far we have come or how far we regress.

Phhhhewwww....I need to take a deep breath. With both childrens needs and a marriage with 3 other kids who have their own issues and needs I am not sure if I can do all of this. Especially with their other parents 3 hours away and even without the distance they are seriously lacking in the parenting department.

Well, I must go cry now. My step sons mother just called to tell me she has no way of getting him for her visitation until Sunday. So, there goes my weekend without any kids and without him. I so need a break from him. Why? Why me?

Posted by Stacy-Lynn :: 12:34 PM :: 14 Comments:

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